So you’re probably wondering “what the he** happen, I thought there was suppose to be one post every day?”
Well I meant to and I had every intention to until my brain said F*you and shut down. Lets just say I bit off way more than I can chew and there is still I want to do but if I learned anything from last week its take it in stride and that if I want to start something that I have to let go of something else.
If you have followed me for a while now you will know that I’m bi polar and that is a big thing I talk about and share my feelings with because it helps not to keep everything bottled up. Also the fact that it touches everything in my life. So I’m usually very active on instagram its where you can find me and my daily to dos I was really getting into using the story mood so you guys can follow me throughout the day and not only get updates here. I was so excited to post for blogmas and had all my ideas outlined but along with my blog and instagram I also work full time and you all know I’m a mom and wife well my brain decided it had had enough and shut down and went into a complete panic attack.
Now the last time I had one this big was living in the borough, I’m not sure what triggered this one whether the fact that I didn’t have any cannabis that day because I was going to pick up or the fact that I totally took on way to much work and was thinking about ways of adding more or was it because my daughter had been having a melt down all day and night…not really sure what to pin it on I just know that I couldn’t handle all of it as much as I wanted to or even tried to.
Now that I’m back to myself and have been for a couple of months there is so much I want to do and realizing now I can’t do all of it. So I am going to have to prioritize on what I want to do.
So I want to go full time with this blog and make regular postings also with my instagram I want to take an editing class so I can post nicer pictures and I told hubby for Christmas I want a nice camera something to start out with. I also want to get my daughter into modeling like my son was, she really wants to and I think she would be great at it and also make her a youtube channel. She wants to so bad and I think it would be great for her. This would include going to Boston to my old agency and then being able to go to a shoot with a 24 hour notice anywhere in New England. Now my son also wants a youtube channel and I would love to help him with that but at first I would have to do all the editing, which takes time. I also have my shop that I need to get up and going and tons of merchandise to sell.
So that whole paragraph up there is my dreams for now that I want to do and I know I can do something with it but then I have reality which is my job that I know for a fact I will get paid every week. If money had no worth then I wouldn’t be sitting where I am right now. I feel like I am meant to do something more than what I am doing right now whether that is for me or for my children I just know that I’m not doing everything I am suppose to be and it is slowly eating me inside.
I know if I wanted to I could quit my job and do what I want with my husbands full backing but I can’t do that to my family yes hubby makes enough for us to survive off of but the money I bring in now is so nice having the extra money and being able to pay all our bills on time and not living pay check to pay check. Yet I know if I don’t do something all of it will pass by then it will be to late.
So I tried to do it all aka “BlOGMAS” and it turned into a big FAIL!!!! I was way to tired after getting home from work, and taking care of the kids to spend anytime in front of a computer and of course that made me feel guilty and so that turned into depression which it all led down the sink. My home still isn’t fully unpacked, its killing me but I have NO TIME.
So speaking to hubby today I realized that I don’t have to give up one for the other but I do have to let go of a little bit to gain a little more of something else. So I think I’m going to talk to my boss about cutting my hours down to 3 days a week so I can have time to explore other possibilities. That’s the only thing I can think of right now to do so I can actually try and do what I want to do. I need to start budgeting my time a lot better than I have been.
So I will try and keep everyone updated on what I am doing right now I’m going to try and figure out my schedule for the new year and what I can achieve with what time I have. I apologize if this post is all over the place it is kinda how I am feeling right now. I will update more later until then I hope every Lives Life Happy 🙂