Where have I been????

I have been MIA from both my blog, instagram and twitter for the past week and I want to apologize. There is still a lot going on but I have a little time now to collect my thoughts and let everyone in lol. So I don’t remember if I said anything in any of my previous post but hubby and I have decided that we want to move out of our apartment. We currently live in a 3 bedroom apartment with neighbors above us. We have a tiny fenced in yard with neighbors on both sides and all around. So if you go outside your looking right into someones house from any side of the yard. We want to move into a house with a yard. Well we found one but it was a little out of our price range I mean we could afford it but it would be tight. When we gave up looking a friend who is a real estate agent emailed me with a house going on the market for rent and it is perfect for us. So it won’t be available until November 1st, so we decided to lock in the security deposit and we moved out of our current home and we are staying with hubby’s grandma for the month because she lives in the same school district as our new house and we wanted to switch the children as soon as possible because the schools are on different schedules. So this past week we have been moving while trying to work and being a little sick. So ya this has been a crazy week. We have to finish cleaning and packing today but we got most of the big things out. Once this is over then we will be able to relax for a couple weeks before we have to move again. 

On top of that my depression decided to come back but this time I hit hard with the cannabis lol and pretty much medicated whenever I felt it coming on. It is especially bad in the mornings I don’t want to get dressed and go to work I just want to hide under my blanket. I have finally realized this is my depression telling me to stay and waste my life. So I now make myself get up and go medicate and sit there til I feel it lift. Yes sometimes I may be late to work but my boss understands and I have informed him of what is going on. Its better to be late then to not show up. Another thing is I was taking to much on at work with what was going on at home and usually when this happens I will quit work without talking to anyone then when everything calms down I kick myself because my depression has lifted and I’m make to my normal self. So this time I realized this and instead of dropping everything I just took somethings off of my table at work and I feel a lot better. 

So yesterday I came to realization that I’m finally at a point in my life where no one can come up to me and say “What are you doing with your life” lol Over the years I have been asked this a lot and I never knew the answer. Well the funny thing is that I still don’t know the answer but I actually look like I’m doing something with my life. Funny how that works huh? So yes I go to work every day I take care of my kids and my husband but what am I really doing with MY life…..Honestly I don’t know I haven’t figured that part out yet. I’m sure I will at some point I figure that once I get the next month figured out then maybe I can focus more on myself and what I want to accomplish not just in my career but in my personal life.  I want to be more then just a mom and wife I know that much. Its just hard to remember who I was before I was a mother, its like that was a whole other life. Don’t get this twisted I’m not saying I don’t like being a mother or that I don’t want to be a mother any more I love being a mother and I will be one forever and I am thankful for my children but I want something of my own too. Anyways I figure that it will come on its own time when my children are more independent I am not ready to let them go yet lol.

I am just very excited about where my life is headed, our new home is an older farm house that has been re-done and its a 4 bedroom with an office. So now hubby and I each have our own offices and its so much bigger then what we have ever had. We also have a huge yard and no neighbors on our side of the road we are next to a corn field. We are closer to family also in the town that we have wanted to move to. It just feels like everything if falling into place. I just hope that everything keeps going I don’t mind bumps in the road but I’m always scared that a bomb is going to go off and blow everything up. So I am very hesitant with my excitement. This is the first time in years that hubby and I have both been working and its nice to have extra money.  I have been lucky enough to have a husband who made enough for me to stay home but now that both babies are in school I was bored so I have a full time job now too and its nice with the two paychecks each week. Plus the fact that we are staying with his grandma we don’t have any major bills to pay so we are able to save up money to decorate our new home and create a nice savings account. 

So that’s my update for now…I have to run and finish cleaning the old place and get ready for work tomorrow and kids for school. Hope everyone had a great weekend!!! 





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