Communication

 

*I want to preface this with if your in an abusive relationship whether physical or emotional GET OUT!! Communication will NOT solve that*

So today got me thinking about divorce (not me and hubby divorcing but others) the reason being that we got into an argument today and of course him in a pissed off mood said “why don’t we just get divorced” and of course I just hung up on him because I knew it was said out of frustration. 

It got me to thinking though about conversations I’ve had with my husband. I’m going to let you know how we have survived our 12 year relationship with only and 8 month separation: 

So divorce is rampant in our society today, I don’t know the statistics but I know your more likely to get divorced then to stay married. I look back at our grandmothers generation when divorce was pretty much taboo and why relationships seem to last forever. There was only one conclusion I’ve came to and that is Communication.   Back in the day people would talk to each other and not just shut down. 

Example: 

My first example is going back to when we separated back in 2014, hubby had a drinking problem which now thinking about it I think it came from depression from his grandfather who raised him passed away. I felt like a single parent who was financially supported. Hubby would go to work come home and sit on the computer and barley pay attention to me or the children. The only time I got his attention was when he wanted sex and I was on my last straw. So finally we got into a huge blow out fight and he was drunk and I kicked him out. He went to his grandmothers and thought that if I cooled off he would be allowed home like every other time this happened. He was shocked when I told him I wanted a divorce. For the first couple months I wouldn’t talk to him at all, when he didn’t have the kids he was out at the bar every night and even when he did have the kids he left them with his grandmother. This is the only time ever said this to me: I couldn’t survive without him. Ha did I prove him wrong I got a full time job that paid decent I got caught up on all my bills. Finally he left me alone and I was able to clear my thoughts and we actually sat down and had a decent conversation and realized we both had changed thankfully for the better and luckily our divorce hadn’t gone through yet lol. Yes we went as far as filing and having our court date. We were in the 3 month waiting period lol. We were able to save our relationship by talking and understanding each others viewpoint and the love we have for each other kept us connected like a chain. This is the closest we ever got to being completely out of each others life romantically. 

So if your caught up on my blog then you know that the past 2 years I have been in a really bad depression and I am so blessed that I have a man who took up the responsibility of our family and stood by my side. Honestly I believe most men would of walked out instead of trying day after day to get me to talk or cheated at least, but not my man. He fought for me…for us. Now that I am back to normal he is the one who went distant and shut down. He kept pushing me away and he was cold towards me and it felt like the love was gone. The easiest thing to do would be to walk away and just start over but I know we love each other and we have two children who are our world and we want to be around them 24/7 not every other week. I had to literally corner him to get him to talk to me but we WORKED through it listening to each and telling our true feelings and not keeping anything from each other. 

I am an open book to my husband and he is to me we know everything about each other and we don’t hide anything unless its a surprise lol. We have each others passwords and we routinely swap phones. Although I never feel the need to snoop through his things because if there is anything I want to know I just ask. 

Money seems to be another big issue in a lot of relationships I have heard my friends talk about their spouse owing them money for something they bought them or whatever and I didn’t understand this. From the first time hubby and I got together my money was his and his money was mine. Even though I was a SAHM for almost 9 years, money was never thrown in my face that I didn’t work. I don’t have to ask for money although we always talk about big purchases. The only thing I get in trouble for is spending money on the kids because I am so bad when it comes to them but what mom is not. 

I honestly believe that we a simple recipe you could have a long, lasting, happy relationship:

50% Love

45% Communication

5% Understanding

Total: 100%

Now there is a ton of things that fall under love, communication and understanding but I believe those are the main 3 things needed for a relationship to last. The percentages may change from time to time but the 3 remain the same. 

One last thing is that when I was growing up I was in the minority with having a single mom most of my friends had both parents in their house I only just met my dad when I was 12 and the crazy thing was a friend at school had met my dad before me because her dad worked with him (this is a story for another post lol) anyways now my children are the minority because most of their friends parents arent together. I had to have the “why does my friend go to his dads house on the weekend talk” When my daughter was 4 because her best friend who was our neighbor at the time her parents are not together and she remarried so they were confused. Pure innocence was all it was. 

Now don’t get me wrong there is NOTHING wrong with being a single parent…I admire you!!!! I always tell my single friends that they are so strong and brave and I have so much respect for them!!!! 

Then I have friends in relationships that have ended and from what I’ve heard from both sides is they still love each other but they both have their grievances with each other. I tell them they need to talk to each other but they always say the other won’t listen which is total BS. So i guess what I’m trying to say is if your relationship is on the rocks try and cool off before you end it and think about honestly what you want. As they say hind sight is 20/20 and most regret that they have ended a relationship. Live Life Happy Loves!! 

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