So its been awhile since I’ve updated everyone, if you wanna follow me on a daily basis you can on instagram. Anyways I was smart enough to write down my thoughts into my phone so I wouldn’t forget them, here is a good tip: if you ever catch yourself with all these thoughts rolling around in your head write them down immediatly or else you will forget them. I realized this because these thoughts would pop into my head and it would be something I would want to share as I know others are going through if not the same something similar. So I started carrying my journal around and when I forget that which I do then I use the notes in my phone. So here are my latest thoughts:
When I actually get out of the house I feel motivated to take on the world yet when I am sitting on my couch under my rock of solitude (as I call it) I feel stuck like I can’t move I know I should be doing something more productive and I can see myself doing it in my mind but I can not physically get up and do it, that is until I force myself to leave the house and when I come home then I’m ready not only mentally but physically. Now you would think this would be motivation enough to get up and get dressed and get out of the house for a little bit but every morning when I wake up its a mental and physical fight with myself. This past weekend I won the fight, I’ve gotten up and got dressed and left the house. Spent time with my children, cleaned up around the house and actually acted like a functioning adult.
Yet some days, like today, the pull to stay under that rock is so strong and I can’t fight it. I get stuck and I don’t want to anymore. Today the reasoning was because I did not sleep last night and I had to be up early for doctors appointment. I did get up and get dressed and made my doctors appointment but when I got home instead of being productive I passed out and have felt like crap every since. I plan to crash after I am done writing this blog post.
I want to live my life and not just watch it pass by me. I do have to say it wasn’t just this past weekend it was actually Thursday thru Sunday. I think that is the longest “good” stretch I have had in awhile. So I guess in order to keep myself accountable I am going to try and make a plan to write three post a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and while doing that keep you all updated on how getting out from under the rock has been. I figure this will make me accountable because if I don’t get up I have nothing good to write about ha ha well I do but it would all be depressing.
I figured out I like to make excuses on why I can’t leave the house, such as, I don’t have a car. Well Friday princess and I walked down to the borough and hung out at the playground and beach and went to lunch. So there are things I can do that don’t involve using a car.
I JUST HAVE TO WIN THE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!